Recent months have put me in some of the most difficult and most rewarding leadership laboratories. Here are some of the lessons I'm learning:
You cannot reason a person out of a decision they did not reason themselves into
I already knew that in the absence of full information, people will fill the gap with the worst possible scenario. What I have been surprised to learn is that even with all available the facts, some people will have their own narrative about motivation or causality or conspiracy. Re-presenting the facts doesn't seem to help these folks to share my point of view. I have to learn to get to the source of their narrative whether or not it aligns with facts on the ground. Logic will not replace anger, injury, or shame, even when they may not be sensible. Anger requires reconciliation; injury requires pardon, shame requires release. None require another litany of the truth until the mind and heart are tuned to the ideas more than the injury.
Leaders of integrity have to watch their reflexes
I work hard to be a man of integrity. Really hard. So when my integrity is called into question, I will defend it. Generally, my reflex is to disclose what I know in order that others will see how reasonable I have been and how careful and transparent I am willing to be. But in one moment recently, I came to see how my transparency could unnecessarily destroy another (Rom 14, would be a good scriptural touchstone here.) I realized that some observers equate integrity with transparency. I had to learn that I do not worship at the altar of my integrity. I am careful to nurture integrity, but it is secondary to other things. So I chose at times to be silent, when speaking would reveal my logic, skill, and transparency. It cost me the respect of some who I want to respect me. But that silence protected people and institutions I care about.
Necessary pain, unnecessary pain, and wasted pain
My colleagues and I have spoken a lot about the necessary pain that comes with change and transition. We have talked about the times when the approach to change caused pain that was not necessary, and for that we need to find a place to repent and improve our skill. But I was struck by the words of a colleague who encouraged us not to waste any pain. The concept of wasted pain... that which teaches us nothing except for the intensity of injury... strikes me as one of the most important. I want to learn as I lead and I will use that pain to improve.
Lead when you're tired
There are times when leadership just has to happen. At times it's not when it's convenient. So sometimes one has to lead in the midst of exhaustion, or inconvenience. But we should never seek to lead out of exhaustion, and we should seek reasonable alternatives to delay or re-balance. My urgency to find clarity or reconciliation or a solution sometimes led me to act faster than I needed to. I could have waited until I was more clear-headed.
Leadership is a technical skill
If someone fixes your computer network issue, you're grateful. If they properly adjust the sound system so that you can hear the speaker well, we commend the sound tech. If the brochure is engaging and beautiful, we recommend the graphic designer. But outside of big corporations, if the leader brings his expertise, many suspect manipulation or complain about becoming overly corporate or over managed. Why is it that we presume good intent for the pianist, the podiatrist, party planner, and photographer, but we proceed with caution when we meet a skilled executive leader practicing her craft?
You are not your title
People may be mad at me for what I do. That is different from being mad at me for who I am. I have learned the difference. Those who are mad may not see the difference. It does not always matter that they do.
Organizations take on the personalities of their leaders.
Enough said. We must manage our tone if we want to manage our teams.
About every 5 years, I realize I'm an idiot.
Someone shared with me the idea that About every five years I realize that 5 years ago I was an idiot. There are so many things I might have done differently in the last 3 years. Given the skill I had and the information I had I did the best I had. I now have new skill and new information and I can do better. Rather than mourning my idiocy, I learn to celebrate my maturing. I still have to go back and apologize, of course. But at least I can apologize out of an informed mind and a wiser heart.
Sometimes apology isn't enough.
Yeah, sometimes saying "I'm sorry" is not enough for the injured. But for some, repentance is not enough either... Reciprocal injury is what they want. That may be just, but it is not right.
Don't let the rice burn while your recording your thoughts.
There's nothing to be learned from burning the rice.
You cannot reason a person out of a decision they did not reason themselves into
I already knew that in the absence of full information, people will fill the gap with the worst possible scenario. What I have been surprised to learn is that even with all available the facts, some people will have their own narrative about motivation or causality or conspiracy. Re-presenting the facts doesn't seem to help these folks to share my point of view. I have to learn to get to the source of their narrative whether or not it aligns with facts on the ground. Logic will not replace anger, injury, or shame, even when they may not be sensible. Anger requires reconciliation; injury requires pardon, shame requires release. None require another litany of the truth until the mind and heart are tuned to the ideas more than the injury.
Leaders of integrity have to watch their reflexes
I work hard to be a man of integrity. Really hard. So when my integrity is called into question, I will defend it. Generally, my reflex is to disclose what I know in order that others will see how reasonable I have been and how careful and transparent I am willing to be. But in one moment recently, I came to see how my transparency could unnecessarily destroy another (Rom 14, would be a good scriptural touchstone here.) I realized that some observers equate integrity with transparency. I had to learn that I do not worship at the altar of my integrity. I am careful to nurture integrity, but it is secondary to other things. So I chose at times to be silent, when speaking would reveal my logic, skill, and transparency. It cost me the respect of some who I want to respect me. But that silence protected people and institutions I care about.
Necessary pain, unnecessary pain, and wasted pain
My colleagues and I have spoken a lot about the necessary pain that comes with change and transition. We have talked about the times when the approach to change caused pain that was not necessary, and for that we need to find a place to repent and improve our skill. But I was struck by the words of a colleague who encouraged us not to waste any pain. The concept of wasted pain... that which teaches us nothing except for the intensity of injury... strikes me as one of the most important. I want to learn as I lead and I will use that pain to improve.
Lead when you're tired
There are times when leadership just has to happen. At times it's not when it's convenient. So sometimes one has to lead in the midst of exhaustion, or inconvenience. But we should never seek to lead out of exhaustion, and we should seek reasonable alternatives to delay or re-balance. My urgency to find clarity or reconciliation or a solution sometimes led me to act faster than I needed to. I could have waited until I was more clear-headed.
Leadership is a technical skill
If someone fixes your computer network issue, you're grateful. If they properly adjust the sound system so that you can hear the speaker well, we commend the sound tech. If the brochure is engaging and beautiful, we recommend the graphic designer. But outside of big corporations, if the leader brings his expertise, many suspect manipulation or complain about becoming overly corporate or over managed. Why is it that we presume good intent for the pianist, the podiatrist, party planner, and photographer, but we proceed with caution when we meet a skilled executive leader practicing her craft?
You are not your title
People may be mad at me for what I do. That is different from being mad at me for who I am. I have learned the difference. Those who are mad may not see the difference. It does not always matter that they do.
Organizations take on the personalities of their leaders.
Enough said. We must manage our tone if we want to manage our teams.
About every 5 years, I realize I'm an idiot.
Someone shared with me the idea that About every five years I realize that 5 years ago I was an idiot. There are so many things I might have done differently in the last 3 years. Given the skill I had and the information I had I did the best I had. I now have new skill and new information and I can do better. Rather than mourning my idiocy, I learn to celebrate my maturing. I still have to go back and apologize, of course. But at least I can apologize out of an informed mind and a wiser heart.
Sometimes apology isn't enough.
Yeah, sometimes saying "I'm sorry" is not enough for the injured. But for some, repentance is not enough either... Reciprocal injury is what they want. That may be just, but it is not right.
Don't let the rice burn while your recording your thoughts.
There's nothing to be learned from burning the rice.